


How To Save A Life...

by Nikki (amiayaprotagonistyet)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-30 03:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiayaprotagonistyet/pseuds/Nikki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Tony have both had their fair share of issues, pain, depression, drama. But they've always had each other. Until now... (Based on the song, "How to Save a Life" by The Fray)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The rain fell harder and faster, soon umbrellas were everywhere. He knew that the forecast predicted rain, and frankly, he didn’t care. "Let it rain, let it pour down and drown me right where I stood," he thought to himself. He was drowning in guilt anyways. No stupid umbrella could protect Tony from his suffering. 

And so it rained and it poured. His suit became soaked with the freezing water. Even in the rain, his tears stood out. His face was pale and hollow, but his eyes... They were puffy and red, swollen from sleepless nights filled with crying and sobbing. He had heavy bags under his eyes, as if he bruised. He didn’t bother hiding it though, everyone around him knew the truth. 

In fact, he liked the rain. Well, Loki did at least. Loki. That name physically pained him. He could feel an ache in his chest. His head began to pound again, and thoughts whirled around in his mind, brewing up a storm of emotion. The guilt, the suffering, the regret, and pain, it all came back flooding back, as thought it were even gone. "I should have known," he cursed himself, "I should have stayed up and talked with him!." But no, he didn’t stay up, and now Loki’s dead and it’s all Tony’s fault.


	2. Between the lines of fear and blame, And you begin to wonder why you came...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapters, from now on, (unless I meet character limit) will be the lyrics which the chapter is based on. Thanks for reading, enjoy! :)

The casket is surrounded by dozens of people, even some from school that were never Loki’s friends. The audacity of some people to show up even when they are not welcome. How badly Tony wanted to just yell at them. At the world. At the universe. At Loki. But mainly, himself. No one would be here right now if he were a better friend. That’s all he had to do.

As the ceremony continued on, Tony thought back to a few nights ago. When things started to come crashing down. Loki had asked him to meet up at the local bookstore to hang out. They weren’t “official” but everyone basically knew that they were dating. It was a happy relationship, they rarely had problems. But lately, things were different. There were too many outside factors.

****

_Tony entered the bookstore and walked to their usual aisle, only to find Loki huddled against a shelf._

_“Lokster! What’s up?” Loki smiled but he quickly looked down. He was usually better at hiding his emotions, so Tony knew something was up._

_“Hello Tony.” Loki seemed in pain when he said that. As if he were being restrained or reprimanded for saying hello._

_Tony knew Loki had problems, but he thought he was getting better. At least, that’s what Tony thought._

_**** _

_What could’ve possibly happened? He crouched down to Loki’s height. He saw faint bruises and scratches on Loki’s arms. His eyes traveled to Loki’s face, who was biting his lip, to the point of almost drawing blood. Tony knew, but he didn’t want to believe it._

_“Odin finally paid me some attention.” Loki muttered._

_Tony was appalled, but mainly furious. He didn’t care if it was his father or mother or Thor, for crying out loud!_

_Loki had done nothing wrong! Sure he played some tricks here and there, but Odin was a monster. Tony put his arm around Loki and pulled him closer into his chest._

_At the moment, they were at a bit of a standstill in their “relationship” but Tony still needed to be there for Loki._

_They remained like that for what could have been hours and nobody said a word. They needed each other to lean on. It was quiet between them as customers moved in and out, but none paying attention to the silent couple huddled in the corner._

_Eventually, the shop was closing up and they both, reluctantly stood up. As they walked out, Loki mumbled something but Tony could hear him clearly, “Thank you.”_

_Eventually they left, neither of them seeming any better. But at least they had each other._


	3. Step one you say we need to talk/ He walks you say sit down it's just a talk/ He smiles politely back at you/ You stare politely right on through/ Some sort of window to your right/ As he goes left and you stay right...

Tony’s mind snowballed into another memory, a few days after the bookstore memory, when he bumped into Loki at school.

_Loki’s face was paler, his eyes were darker and the bags were deeper. Tony knew he wasn’t sleeping, eating, or drinking enough. The bell rang and Loki rushed off to class, with Tony begrudgingly doing  the same. But this wasn’t going to go unpassed._

_During lunch, Tony pulled Loki into the bathroom._

_“Loki, please tell me Odin stopped.” He asked, even if he already knew the answer._

_“You know just how much I love to lie.” A tight smile creeped across Loki’s face._

_“Loki! Come on, please. Tell someone, I don’t feel safe having you with that monster.”_

_“No.” Even though his body was weak, his voice was firm and coherent._

_“Loki! This isn’t okay, I’m not okay with this, please just say something to someone. You can get help.”_

_Loki looked like he was considering it, if only briefly, but flashed out if it. He thought it would only lead to more pain and suffering, so he’d rather endure silently. Tony was all Loki needed, just someone to rely on...someone who cared._

_Just knowing Tony was there was enough to help Loki withstand the beatings, the curses, and most of all, the truths that came spewing out after one too many Johnny Walkers. Tony would beg and plead for Loki to get help and end it, but he didn't realize,_   _ **he was the help.**_

_**  
**The bell rang at that moment and each went his separate way, both thinking over the events which had passed..._


	4. Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best...And pray to God, he hears you And I pray to God, he hears you...

As that memory faded out, another one took its place. This one was more recent, and definitely more painful.

They were at Tony’s house this time, anything to keep Loki away from his own personal hell. Tony offered, well forced, Loki to stay over the night. Odin was back in town after business and Tony thought it’d be best for Loki. Loki obviously didn’t agree.

“Tony, you need to stop coddling me, I’m not a defenseless child, you know.”  
“I know that Loki. But that’s not why you’re here. You’re here because it’s safer and the safer you are, the more comfortable I am knowing that.” Tony tried to keep his voice steady, but it still was wavering more than he wanted.  
He couldn’t stand the thought of his boyfri-, Loki, being anywhere near that man.  
“It will just anger him more if I evade him any longer.”  
“So, what you’re saying is you’re just going to go home and let him beat you around?” Tony regretted his words immediately, but he was too deafened by anger to hear himself talk.  
A low growl emerged from Loki’s throat. “I DON’T LET HIM DO ANYTHING.”

Tony tried to gain a grip on the situation, before it got out of hand. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. All I’m saying is, you can do something about it. I can help you.” Tony looked up into Loki’s eyes, which were now watering ever so slightly.  
The piercing blue reminded Tony of a warm summer day, looking up at the clouds and warmth surrounding him. But it was such a contrast compared to the dark, painful memories which they shielded from the world.  
“Please, let me help you.”  
Tony reached out gently for Loki’s arm and pulled him into an awkward hug. When they pulled away, Tony was still holding Loki. That’s when he noticed the scars.  
He looked down at Loki’s arm and was hit with sudden realization.  
“Loki... Look at me."  
"This wasn’t Odin, was it?” He questioned as he pointed to Loki’s arms.  
“And don’t lie to me.”

“Well, if you already know the answer, why do you ask such a stupid question?” Loki replied in a frustrated tone. His face was a mixture of exasperation, exhaustion, hurt, guilt, pain, sadness and so much more.  
“Why Loki? I don’t understand. Why would you do this to yourself?” Tony eased onto the couch and put his head in his hands. Now was his turn to feel the guilt.  
“It was me, wasn’t it?”  
“Why would you say that?”  
“Because I’m a horrible friend.”  
“No, no you’re not.”  
“Well, then why wouldn’t you talk to me, tell me, let me help you?”  
“Because, it’s not something I can just say.”  
“Okay Loki. I’m not going to force you to talk anymore. Just promise me, promise me you won’t hurt yourself anymore.”  
Loki didn’t respond, he couldn’t even look at Tony.  
He wouldn’t make a promise he couldn’t keep.


	5. He will do one of two things/ He will admit to everything/ Or he'll say he's just not the same/ And you'll begin to wonder why you came...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is taking me so long to update. I have rough drafts but my life is so beyond chaotic. I hope I can take a breather soon and wrap this up, only a few more chapters to go. And to the people who randomly leave kudos or comment, I get email notifications.  
> That is my motivation to keep posting! I personally think this is really sloppy and not well done, but your kudos drive me to update the story.   
> Thank you so much for your sporadic support! This is dedicated to you guys!!

A week later, when things weren’t as bumpy, Tony got a call from Loki around one in the morning. Tony answered Loki’s call, as always.

****

_“Tony?”_

_“Mhm?”_ He mumbled out.

_“Did I wake you?”_

_“Nuh uh, I was uh...um...”_

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- I just want..”_

Tony shook himself a little to wake up, and respond better.

_“Nah, it’s okay. What’s up?”_

_“Nothing really. I just needed someone to talk to.”_

Tony was more alert now, it was too random and sporadic, even for Loki...

_“What’s wrong? I’m listening.”_ He tried to stay level for Loki’s sake but the whole situation was “off,” it didn’t feel right.

_“I just need to hear someone’s voice that won’t shout at me.”_

_“Oh, Loki…” Tony breathed… “I’m here, I promise.”_

So, the night went on, and Tony could hear Loki sobbing quietly over the phone. They talked for a few hours, hanging up just a little before three a.m.

Loki went on to explain how he was just tired, Odin wasn’t get any better, and even Frigga was hurting. Thor was never home, and when he was, he was just rude to Loki, much like his father. And, this week, Loki had discovered in a fit of rage from Odin that he was adopted. Tony could feel his heart sink… Loki had already dealt with so much, and now to have this bomb dropped on his already chaotic life.

Tony, of course, was his confidant.

“ _Oh god, Loki. Listen to me. None of this, NONE of it, is your fault. Sometimes shit happens to good people, but I promise you’ll make it through all of this. I’m here for you, no matter what. No matter what anyone tells you. Things will get better, maybe not now, or in a few weeks, but they will. I promise. Okay?”_

_“Mhm…”_ Loki murmurred. Tony had thought in that moment that Loki was just tired, but he was so wrong. So horribly wrong...

_“Now get some sleep, you sound exhausted.”_

_“Thank you Tony. For everything.”_

_“Of course Loki. I’ll drop by tomorrow, good night.”_

_“Goodbye Tony.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first songfic! I wrote it a while ago and never got around so there may still be typos and errors, and plenty of space for improvement. Feedback is helpful and appreciated! Thanks! :) enjoy!


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